I’m in a shitty life situation and my usual modus operandi of mopiness has given way to emotionlessness. I remain functional but without emotions my life is pointless. Sounds riveting, but I can actually be pretty apathetic about this melodramatic-sounding situation.
It’s a tough cycle to break but I think the answer was given to me in a sign. Maybe a month ago a huge stinkbug was flying around my room. I really liked it, I watched it for a while.
I noticed that it flew toward my overhead lamp. It circled around it, flew around it a few times. But it could never touch the light, every time it got near the light something repulsed it, maybe the heat, I don’t know. Then it veered off into a corner behind some furniture, the darkest place in my room.
If you belong in the darkness but you’ve lost your way, head toward the light. The repulsion will send you home. Best way I’ve found is to kneel down and pray. That always brings back the hate.