One thing that has spiritually frustrated me possibly more than anything else is the mistaken feeling that if it isn’t elaborate, it isn’t genuine.
The authenticity does not come from ancient cultures, it does not come from an exact phrasing of words, it does not come from knowing occult trivia, it does not come from length.
And then there are some things which are authentic, and yet still, ultimately not necessary. Having a like-minded group is one of those things.
It would be nice to have a lot of people near you in person who are on the same spiritual path as you. It would be nice to have a group with whom you shared a set of elaborate rituals, but which aren’t just so much verbiage or near-misses, but actually have deep personal meaning for you and hit the nail on the head. Alas, such a thing is hard to find. For dark siders, the spiritual connection you tend to have with most of the population is negative: disagreement, distrust, misunderstanding, antagonism, isolation.
It’s alright: honor the dark alone. Don’t worry about not knowing any incantations. Just tune in deep, open yourself to signals, and make any wishes like you mean it. Aesthetics can be simple – wait til night for the dark, maybe a candle, maybe write something on paper and light it, maybe draw a simple sigil. Whatever. The force all comes from your selfhood.
Again, sometimes it’s as simple as kneeling down and praying.
Following your nose isn’t just a spiritual thing. I recently left a political group that I’d been with for a long time. Honestly it hurts. They are very smart people. I think I have a brain too, but when you walk away from a crew like that, you always have a nagging insecurity that if you ever run into them again, they will have some argument for why you should have stayed that will make you feel stupid.
Well, at some point I just had to trust my gut and say fuck it.
Nietzsche once said something like, when leaving a party, do not ask yourself if your actions make sense; ask yourself if the thing that once connected you to that party is there anymore.
The thing connecting me was that the group seemed like a well-oiled machine that could really get us from here to revolution. After some relocating and the passage of time, it no longer seems like that.
It’s obvious to any dark sider that you can often apply a group’s principles more effectively, ironically enough, when you’re not a member of that group. So it’s not selling out, it’s getting serious. But just like every other major social force I’ve had to walk away from – Catholicism, the Right, purist anarchism – it can take a lot more brutal experience for it to sink into your skull than you might like to admit.
As far as you know, the intuitions you are feeling might not simply be whims. Read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell to understand how much smarter your unconscious mind is than you. But actually you might be psychic, and the intuitions you receive may be signals to you from strands of future possibility, particles traveling backward in time touching your mind. Maybe there is a deep force working behind the scenes which honors your decisions, because they place you on your correct path of destiny toward events that have not even happened and people you have not even met, but who long for each other because in the randomness of the beyond you have already formed an unconscious psychic bond.
Or maybe not. Sometimes you’re just groping around in the dark. Oh well. Gotta keep trying.