seeking fulfillment in this fucking nightmare

Simple steps:

  1. Realize the system ruins every facet of everything
  2. Seethe with hatred against capitalism, go nuts organizing against it
  3. Get tired of that and go numb because one person can only change so much
  4. Wander off into “normal life”
  5. Feel lost, directionless, purposeless; wonder where your passion went
  6. Admit that things really are as bad as you first said they were
  7. Recommit yourself out of grim Sisyphean existential determination

We are the broken.  There is no helping us.  No amount of therapy or sex or the simple things can fix things for us.  We know that as residents of a capitalist planet, our human potential is terminally prevented.  We will never be allowed to be all we could.  We don’t only suspect it.  We know it as a fact, unmistakable as death.

Unlike many other people who don’t fully grasp the situation, we are sure of our abhorrent fate.  Others feel the same strain but just occasionally flip out or break down, blaming their pain on surface causes instead of facing the underlying truth that this planet is a prison, their days are passed in slavery, and their entire lives are ruined by the system.

Unlike them, we don’t have the luxury of ignorance, of riding the emotional roller coaster of attention to the little things.  Eight-plus hours of work, commuting, dressing and prepping, whatever sleep we get (we dream about work), bills and shopping, a few hours to relax in the evening (maybe?) – and then CHANGING DIAPERS??   In the land of the free it’s expensive just to live (0:45).  We know that life is never getting better.

“Never?” whines the optimistic socialist.  “What about the revolution?”

Well sure, and how’s that revolution going?  The system, by its repugnance, inevitably provokes resistance, but victory for our side is not inevitable unless organized.  And how is that organizing going?  In my opinion, it could be going a lot better.  We are splintered and wasting huge potential by having no central place to unite.

The revolution is not a guaranteed thing, like heaven for good people or whatever.  What if this is your entire existence?  What if you never get to see the other side of the wall?

Some radicals are into being happy hippies, social-butterfly socialists, impulsive anarchists, whatever.  That’s fine for them I suppose.  Those may even be useful organizing tools.

You think that just because you have faced the darkness that is our world once, and resolved to fight for what is right, that you can go back to your normal life and be a normal person.

Mark my words, when you turn away from the dark side, you lose your fire.  To focus on the good things in life is to become apolitical (yup, that’s politics).  Maybe you think you’ve gotten over whatever anger or depression made you want an insurrection in the first place.

It wasn’t the good times in your life that got you into this.  But I’m not worried.  Maybe politics became harder to focus on with the Recession.  Maybe all of us sometimes feel the strain and retreat into whatever nonsense.

Maybe it’s possible to have both.  Keep some happiness if you can, why not?  But you can’t run forever.  The same things that brought you here once will bring you back again.

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